Wine. Food. Reviews. Recipes. Lap it up.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

New Ohio wine law sets standard for absurdity

Living in Indiana, it's easy to become jaded by the mishmash of ridiculous laws governing the production, sale and use of alcoholic beverages. Since that legislation is traditionally crafted by a strange-bedfellow alliance of industry lobbyists and the religious right with no consideration of how the consumer might be best served, it's easy to see why there is a market for entire legal firms that specialze in their interpretation.

But after one lives in the Hoosier state long enough, what was once ridiculous becomes normal and we can take pleasure and solace in ridiculing other state laws that are even more dysfunctional than our own. And that brings me to a section in a recently-enacted Ohio law which reads:

"Sec. 4303.233. No family household shall purchase more than twenty-four cases of nine-liter bottles of wine in one year."

Wow. One one hand, I'm absolutely opposed to the concept that the government should be able to restrict how much wine my household purchases, but as restrictions go, I could probably live with just 24 cases of nine-liter bottles per year. I don't know how many Salmanazars are in a case, but even if it's just one that works out to the equivalent of 24 cases of 750 ml bottles annually — and since the law doesn't specifically forbid it, I assume that an Ohio household could supplement its annual allotment of Salmanazars with as many Magnums, Marie-Jeannes, Double Magnums, Jeroboams, Rehobams, Imperiales, Methusalehs, Balthazars and Nebuchadnezzars as necessary, as well however many 750s may be required for normal, day-to-day consumption.

Y’know, maybe despite my advanced years I should just go ahead and sign up for the LSAT — I think I know just exactly what my specialty would be....
M. Zane Grey, 9:02 AM